I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
