Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
