these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
