Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
