I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
