Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
