He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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