I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
