matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
