There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
