I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
