We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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