i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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