You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
