I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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