just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
