I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
