it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
