Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
