he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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