i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
