I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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