I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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