On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
