So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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