If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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