I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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