I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
