We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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