Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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