He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
