I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
