Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
