I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
