WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
