i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
