so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
