He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
