Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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