How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
NoShamevember. You game?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
