I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
