the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im six kinds of drunk right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
