when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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