You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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