I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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