I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
