I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
