What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
