my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
