dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
