i don't like sucking hair
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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