Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
