What a fucking waste of an outfit
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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