No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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