Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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